Forgiveness. There exists a great deal of confusion surrounding the concept of forgiveness. It is important to understand what forgiveness is not, in order to grasp its true essence.
Firstly, forgiveness is not excusal. It does not serve to excuse the harm caused or absolve the responsible party of their accountability. They are still held responsible for their actions and must face the consequences.
Secondly, forgiveness is not reconciliation. Especially in cases of abuse and trauma, forgiveness does not necessitate a return to pre-harm levels of contact. You have the right to establish healthy boundaries and, if needed, completely remove the person from your life (implementing no contact) for your own wellbeing.
Furthermore, forgiveness is not contingent on communication. You are not obligated to convey your forgiveness to the other person. In fact, maintaining no contact might be essential for your safety.
At its core, forgiveness is an internal choice. It is a decision to let go of anger and resentment towards the person who caused harm, on your own terms and in your own time. Forgiveness is a conscious choice to release the emotional baggage and recognize that life offers numerous blessings that need not be hindered by someone else's projection of their own brokenness.
It is worth noting that forgiveness also does not depend on receiving an apology. A genuine apology entails acknowledging the harm caused, regardless of intent, and engaging in introspection to understand why it occurred, with the intention to change and minimize future harm. If someone is unwilling to undergo this process, their words were not an apology. They may have sought an excuse, evasion of responsibility, unearned reconciliation, or a shortcut back to relationship without undertaking the necessary and sometimes arduous journey of self-reflection required for personal healing and reconciliation.